Relationship Pillar

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Many relationships are not well defined and most will change over time. This can be a very complicated Pillar for many people because of this.  Perhaps you have a colleague at work and everything is very professional, however after working closely on a project the way you feel about the person changes. So, keep in mind like every other Pillar this one will also be unique to you.

Some common types of relationships:

• A relationship with God or a higher being
• Family
• Friends
• Romantic
• Pets and other

Instead of going over the details and specific information of relationships. You will start making lists. You will look at individuals in your life as well as whether you feel a need to fill some relationship slots. This is likely a list you will want to keep to  yourself as it may create issues with your relationships or make you feel as though you can't write how you truly feel. Also, remember when you are thinking about these relationships, aside from God, you are thinking of people. People are not perfect, be kind.

List your family that you interact with on a monthly or more basis. This can include  your spouse and children.

List friends that you interact with on a monthly or more basis

List people you have a professional or academic relationship with that you communicate with regularly. It is It is okay to list doctors, teachers and others here too.

List anyone you are currently in any type of romantic relationship with.

List if you have a spiritual relationship. 

Once you have created your lists of people, it is time for honesty.  Answer these questions for each person:

• Does this relationship feel positive?
• Would I like to spend more time with this person?
• Does this person make my life better?
• Could a relationship expert, like a therapist improve this relationship.

Now, obviously there may be several people especially at a job or classroom situation that you are not too close to and these questions may seem silly. Like whether you need a therapist to improve your relationship with a teacher. It can be a good indicator of a relationship you need to change.

This is where you need to think about which of these relationships you want to give more time to, limit time with or end all together.Now all relationships are not created equally.  If you have children, even adult children, ending a relationship with them is probably not the right choice. You may need some professional help for this relationship, but you will think about them throughout your day. so, work to make it more positive is highly recommended.

Do you have relationships that suck your energy away? Perhaps someone who insults you, have negative comments regularly? Well, That's when you need to make a decision. Limit time with this person, leave this relationship, work on making it better.

Keep in mind there are two people to be considered at the minimum for each relationship. How you behave and the things you say and do make an impact on that person. Are you being positive and 

So, to start making things better, decide what you would like this relationship to look like, how you want to feel. 

Can you make things better on your own?

Would you like to have professional help with this relationship?

Would you like more time with this person?

What could make this relationship healthier?

Relationships should make your days and nights better.  So, you have hopefully decided that there are some people you would like to get closer to. Time to learn more about them.

Ask them questions about themselves. Each person you talk to will need a different approach, so consider this before you start a 20 questions game with someone who is very private or you don't know particualrly well. Having said that, most people love to talk about themselves.

Birthday, favorite color, where they were born, favorite movie.... these type of questions will help you understand them better and let them know you are interested in knowing more about them.